Thoughts on Faith

This post over at Teacher On Two Wheels got me thinking about Faith. I left a comment, but I'm thinking I'll have some stuff to say about it here too. The post doesn't turn to religious matters until the end, but it's definitely worth reading.

And really, the entire blog is worth a look. It's cool stuff!

Christmas Cheese

Accuse me of blasphemy if you want, but I usually can’t stand going to church around Christmas time. Even though the story of Christ’s birth is probably the most powerful, world-changing passage of scripture ever recorded in any religion, pastors feel the need to put some sort of “creative” spin on it that usually annoys the crap out of me. So I end up sitting through an hour of cheese, I don’t learn anything, and somehow I’m completely unaffected by the birth of the Savior of the entire universe.

But last Sunday, I attended an absolutely amazing Christmas service. It was a paired down, straight-up discussion of the simple truth of Christmas. It managed to be both intellectually and emotionally stimulating. And it hit on a key point that doesn't seem to be particularly popular at this time of year: Christ’s birth means nothing without His death.

If you're like me and this is just the kind of service you've been waiting for, go here and click on “last week’s service” to watch it online. I promise it will be worth your while!

My Story

Home Group has been pretty amazing lately. We’ve been doing a study called Contagious Christianity that helps you become open about your Faith and teaches you how to easily talk about God. Last week we learned how to tell our personal stories of how we came to Christ, and then we shared them with each other. But I was sick and didn’t get to go, so Ben said that the group was expecting me to share my story this Sunday. I thought I’d do one better and share it with the entire blogosphere:

At age 15, I started my sophomore year of high school fairly confident in my ability to manage my life. I had chosen a good group of friends, family relations were going smoothly, and it was easy for me to get good grades. I had finally even found myself a boyfriend, and with that checked off the list, I didn’t think there was anything else I really needed. I was in control, and things were going exactly according to plan.

However, around Christmas that year, my plan started falling apart. My grandmother got sick, and my mom temporarily moved to Alabama to take care of her. I stepped in to pick up some of the slack at home, especially looking out for my little brother. It was a stressful time for the entire family, and I couldn’t do anything to make it better.

With the added stress at home, my honors classes also became overwhelming. I had been managing to hang on, but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get the grades I wanted.

To top it all off, one of my close friends decided I wasn’t a good person anymore. I have no idea what I did, and she wouldn’t tell me. But she started a smear campaign and tried to turn my other friends against me too. Then my boyfriend moved away, and it wasn’t long before he stopped calling. There was nothing I could do to hold on to either of them.

I ended that year feeling completely out of control, wondering how everything had so quickly slipped out of my grasp. I had no idea how to get back on track. Then out of the blue, my best friend Shannon called and asked if I would like to go on a Mission Trip with her church youth group to do Bible camps for kids. It wasn’t something I would typically do, but then again, my typical choices hadn’t been working out so well. So I figured I didn’t have anything to lose and signed on.

At the Bible camp, one of the kids took to me immediately. His parents were going through a nasty divorce, and he was very angry and bitter. He was desperate for comfort, and for some reason, he looked to me to provide it. I was totally overwhelmed - how could I help this kid, when I couldn’t even handle my own life? So I told him that God loved him, and I shared the Gospel with him as I understood it. And suddenly, for the first time, I knew it was all true.

I realized I needed to let God control my life, because He had a good plan for me. I was flooded with an immediate sense of peace like I had never felt before, and the rush of relief was incredible. From that moment, life was never the same again.

Now, even though I still like to be in control, it’s not such a driving need. I don't feel so much pressure about my decisions anymore because I have learned to trust God and allow Him to be my guide. These days, being out of control is a good thing!

So what’s your experience? I would love you to leave a comment and tell your story too. Maybe God has changed your life like He did mine, or maybe you’re one of the many seekers who visit this site and are still trying to figure it all out. Regardless of your situation, we all have something to learn from each other. If you’re not sure how to comment, it’s explained in this post. You can even be anonymous if you want. So take a chance and share!

When Faith Gets Overwhelming

Sometimes I feel like this God thing is a bit much to handle.

Earlier this week I sort of got backed into a corner by people who wanted to convince me that God was a joke. I couldn’t refute their specific arguments, (maybe more Old Testament knowledge would have helped,) but what really shocked me was that even if their points were valid, I didn’t much care.

Christianity is one of the most real things I’ve ever experienced, but it’s also the most preposterous. It’s completely illogical, but somehow I know it’s right. There’s so much I don’t understand, yet I still have peace and confidence. Am I crazy, or is that just how God works?

I was feeling kind of down about the whole thing, until I came across Psalm 71:14-15 where David says,

"But as for me, I will always have hope. I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteousness, your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure.”

I felt myself summed up in those verses. I really don’t know the true depth or measure of God’s character or His sacrifice, but that’s okay – I don’t have to understand everything. I still have hope and joy, and I keep on praising Him through any doubts that may arise. Maybe I am crazy, but I guess I’m in good company.

I would be very interested to hear how others handle it when Christianity gets overwhelming, and I would love to get a dialogue going. I know I can always use some support, and I bet I’m not the only one. Your comments are much appreciated!

Wrinkles

I always planned to “grow old gracefully.” Let the gray hair and wrinkles come as they may – I’d take it all in stride with good humor, and embrace whatever face looked back at me in the mirror. Aging wouldn’t even be an issue.

Well, a few months ago I noticed the tiniest beginnings of lines around my mouth. That discovery immediately led to a more critical facial inspection, which revealed slight traces of lines around my eyes too. You have to understand, no one else would probably be able to detect even the smallest change - we’re talking miniscule lines here. But as I stood there looking in the mirror and puzzling over how this could have happened, I was suddenly hit with a stunning revelation:

“HOLY CRAP! I am going to get WRINKLES!!!!”

Thoughts of growing old gracefully went out the window. I just wanted to go out and buy the best miracle cream I could find and take a bath in it. How could this be happening to me? I guess my philosophy was really more like, “If I grow old, I’ll do it gracefully.” I hadn’t accepted that the “if” was actually a “when.”

It didn’t take me long to calm down and return to rationality. But I was still a little bummed about the whole wrinkles thing, until this weekend.

I was watching a re-run of Extreme Makeover, where “ugly” people get major plastic surgery to correct what they consider to be their physical flaws. During her initial consultation, this woman told the plastic surgeon that she was looking forward to “never having wrinkles again.” However he was quick to correct her, explaining that wrinkles come from showing facial expression, and that they would eventually come back unless she never smiled or laughed again. That started me thinking.

My life has been filled with happiness. Yes, there have been plenty of sad and difficult times, but I have spent considerably more time laughing than crying. There’s not a day that goes by in which I don’t have multiple reasons to smile, and I am grateful for it. And if wrinkles are the price I pay, then so be it.

So I will go right on living, loving, laughing and smiling, allowing all the joys of life to be written across my face. And I hope that when I die, I’ll have too many wrinkles to count and will have earned every one of them.

Being Constructive

Awhile back I was watching Larry King Live on CNN, and he was interviewing Duane Chapman, otherwise known as Dog the Bounty Hunter. The Dog and his family profess to be born-again Christians, and they have set themselves apart from others in their profession with their benevolent, “Christ-like” behavior toward their fugitives.

If you’ve ever seen their show, you know that the leather-clad, heavily tattooed, foul-mouthed Chapmans aren’t exactly poster-children for the Religious Right. Larry King was taking questions from viewers on this issue, and one asked if their prevalent use of four-letter words is really the best witness for Christ. The question obviously made Dog uncomfortable, and he said they were “working on it.” I watched a new episode earlier this week, and I didn’t see a bit of evidence to suggest that taming his tongue is anywhere near the top of Dog’s priorities.

One of the best parts of being a Christian is that God knows you are going to have parts of your life that aren’t exactly squeaky clean, but He loves and accepts you anyway. As the Apostle Paul said in I Corinthians 10:23, everything is permissible, just not necessarily constructive. God meets you where you are and changes you bit by bit – you don’t have to be perfect before you can have a relationship with Him. And that’s a good thing, since none of us are ever going to be perfect.

I wish that Dog had just manned up and said he wasn’t quite ready to give up the potty mouth yet. I wish he had owned up to the truth instead of skirting the issue by saying he was “working on it.”

If you know there’s an area of your life that’s not “constructive,” really examine how you feel about it. If you find you’re not ready to let it go, just be honest with yourself. Then, be honest with God and with other people. It may feel embarrassing or shameful, but you can’t expect to hold onto something you know is wrong and feel good while you do it.

If you are truly seeking God, you’ll be able to leave your unconstructive behavior behind when the time is right. Just don’t make it worse by being a liar or a hypocrite about it now.

Yes, Be Yourself. BUT...

Earlier this week I was talking to someone whose church is having trouble getting people to sign up for a mission trip because they don’t want to be around a particular woman that’s going. She was described as one of God’s most annoying creations – a complainer who needs constant attention and thinks everything should revolve around her. I definitely know the type.

Hearing this story got me thinking about my last post where I encouraged people to be themselves. But then I thought, “What if yourself sucks?”

At age 16 when I first became a Christian, (on a mission trip I might add,) I sat down and made a list of all the things I didn’t like about myself that I didn’t think God liked either. I don’t have the original, but I’ll hit the highlights.

First off, I decided I didn’t want to worry about things all the time and that I wanted to give up my need for absolute control. A task like packing for a trip could send me into a panic because I was so scared that I wouldn’t be prepared for every situation that might arise. And I remember one particular incident in middle school where I went nuts on my friend because she dropped a raisin in my tea. I’m not kidding – something so stupid made me completely lose it. I decided I’d like myself a lot better if I figured out how to relax.

Secondly, I wanted to stop being an exaggerator. You have probably met someone who does this - for example, if I got something on sale for 20% off it would turn into 30% when I told someone about it. Though I wasn’t really hurting anyone, it was technically a form of lying. I wanted to be a more credible person.

Finally, I decided I wanted to be a better listener. I knew I cared deeply about my friends and family, but I realized I didn’t show it very well. When someone was sharing with me, I was too quick to relate what he/she was saying to myself and turn the conversation back to me. I wanted to be more externally focused.

I became very conscious of those behaviors and prayed constantly that God would help me change them. And one day, I looked back and realized He had. Not that I don’t revert back to old ways every now and then, but I’d be willing to bet that some of you who know me now would never have guessed that I used to be a self-absorbed, anal-retentive control freak. (And if you could have guessed it, please let me know so I can get back to work on it.)

Anyway, when I really thought about my own personal experience, I realized that long before I ever had the confidence to be myself, I had to sit down and decide who I really wanted to be. I believe there are certain core tenants of your personality you can’t change, but I KNOW that through Christ you can control how those tendencies are displayed in your life.

So, if you have a sneaking suspicion that you’re not exactly the best you can be, (like if you show up for the Mission Trip and you’re the only one on the bus,) maybe some tweaking is in order before you go out unabashedly being yourself. But don’t worry – “…I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” (Phi 1:6)

Be Myself?

You’ve heard it a million times – whether you’re getting ready for a first date, preparing for a job interview, or meeting the future in-laws, someone always offers the sage advice to “just be yourself.”

This is probably the world’s most widely used adage, and it sounds so simple on the surface. But when people give this advice, do they really understand what they’re saying?

Because if you’re really being yourself, you are guaranteed to irritate, offend, or otherwise alienate someone along the way. What is pleasing to one person will grate on the next person’s nerves. Everyone will not always agree with you. And worst of all, you will eventually commit the cardinal sin of going AGAINST the flow.

Take traditional church folk for example. They want you to be yourself…“unless.” For example, “Be yourself, unless you don’t like the way we’ve always done things.” If you’d prefer an activity other than a potluck supper, if the sound of an electric organ hurts your ears, or if you are (gasp!) a Democrat, you’d best keep quiet about it. And there’s also, “Be yourself, unless you’re life’s not perfect.” If you’re fighting temptation, if you have doubts about your Faith, or if there’s anything unsavory in your past, don’t burden us with it. And for heaven’s sake, if your marriage is anything less than idyllic, keep it to yourself and act like nothing’s wrong.

When it comes right down to it, what people REALLY want is for you to be like them. Because if you are finding fulfillment by doing things differently, that just might mean that THEY are the ones who could have made better choices. And where Christians are concerned, I think sometimes instead of deepening our relationship with God to find confidence that we have chosen the right path, we instead find that comfort in the fact that everyone else is doing the same thing.

Romans 14:22 says, “Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don't impose it on others. You're fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you're not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe—some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them—then you know that you're out of line. If the way you live isn't consistent with what you believe, then it's wrong.”

So fortify yourself in the Spirit, and embrace the real you. Then go ahead – dare to be yourself.

Paint Me A Masterpiece

from the book Orbiting the Giant Hairball by Gordon MacKenzie

In your mind, conjure an image of the Mona Lisa. Visualize that masterpiece's subtleties of hue and tone as clearly as you can.

Next, shift to the image of a paint-by-numbers Mona Lisa. Envision the flat, raw colors meeting hard-edged, one against the other.

Now, let me relate a fantasy about masterpieces, paint by numbers and you. It goes like this:

Before you were born God came to you and said:

Hi there! I just dropped by to wish you luck. And to assure you that you and I will be meeting again soon. Before you know it.

You're heading out on an adventure that will be filled with fascinating experiences. You'll start out as a tiny speck floating in an infinite, dark ocean, quite saturated with nutrients. So you won't have to go looking for food or a job or anything like that. All you'll have to do is float in the darkness.

And grow incredibly. And change miraculously.

You'll sprout arms and legs. And hands and feet. And fingers and toes. As if from nothing, your head will take form. Your nose, your mouth, your eyes and ears will emerge.

As you continue to grow bigger and bigger, you will become aware that this dark oceanic environment of yours--which, when you were tiny, seemed so vast--is now actually cramped and confining. That will lead you to the unavoidable conclusion that you're going to have to move to a bigger place.

After much groping about in the dark, you will find an exit. The mouth of a tunnel. "Too small," you'll decide. "Couldn't possible squeeze through there." But there will be no other apparent way out. So, with primal spunk, you will take on your first "impossible" challenge and enter the tunnel.

In doing so, you will be embarking on a brutal, no-turning-back, physically exhausting, claustrophobic passage that will introduce you to pain and fear and hard physical labor. It will seem to take forever. But mysterious undulations of the tunnel itself will help squirm you through. And, finally, after what will seem like interminable striving, you will break through to a blinding light.

Giant hands will pull you gently, but firmly, into an enormous room. There will be several huge people, called adults, huddling around you, as if to greet you. If it is an old fashioned place, one of these humongous people may hold you upside down by the legs and give you a swat on the backside to get you going. All of this will be what the big people on the otherside call being born. For you, it will be only the first of your new life's many exploits.

God continues: I was wondering, while you're over there on the other side, would you do me a favor? "Sure," you chirp.

Would you take this artist's canvas with you and paint a masterpiece for me? I'd really appreciate that. Beaming, God hands you a pristine canvas. You roll it up, tuck it under your arm and head off on your journey.

Your birth is just as God had predicted, and when you come out of the tunnel into the bright room, some doctor or nurse looks down at you in amazement and gasps: "Look! The little kid's carrying a rolled up artist's canvas!" Knowing that you do not yet have the skills to do anything meaningful with your canvas, the big people take it away from you and give it to society for safekeeping until you have acquired the prescribed skills requisite to the canvas's return.

While society is holding this property of yours, it cannot resist the temptation to unroll the canvas and draw pale blue lines and little blue numbers all over it's virgin surface.

Eventually, the canvas is returned to you, it's rightful owner. However, it now carries the implied message that if you will paint inside the blue lines and follow the instructions of the little blue numbers your life will be a masterpiece. And that is a lie.

For more than 50 years I worked on my paint-by-numbers creation. With uneven, but persistent diligence, I dipped an emaciated paint-by-numbers brush into color no. 1 and painstakingly painted inside each little blue-bordered area marked 1. Then on to 2 and 3 and 4 and so on.

Sometimes, during restive periods of my life, I would paint, say the 12 spaces before the 10 spaces (a token rebellion against overdoses of linearity). More than once, I painted beyond a line and, feeling embarrassed, would try to wipe off the errant color or cover it with another before anyone might notice my lack of perfection.

From time to time, though not often, someone would complement me, unconvincingly, on the progress of my "masterpiece." I would gaze at the richness of others' canvases. Doubt about my own talent for painting gnawed at me. Still, I continued to fill in the little numbered spaces, unaware of, or afraid to look at, any real alternative.

Then there came a time, after half a century of daubing more or less inside the lines, that my days were visited by traumatic events. The dividends of my noxious past came home to roost, and the myth of my life began horrifically to come unglued. I pulled back from my masterpiece-in-the-works and saw it with emerging clarity.

It looked awful. The stifled strokes of paint had nothing to do with me. They did not illustrate who I am or speak of who I could become. I felt duped, cheated, ashamed--anguished that I had wasted so much canvas, so much paint. I was angry that I had been conned into doing so. But that is the past. Passed.

Today, I wield a wider brush--pure ox hide bristle. And I'm swooping it through the sensuous goo of Cadminium yellow, Alzarian Crimson or Ultramarine Blue (not nos. 4, 13 or 8) to create the biggest, brightest, funniest, fiercest damn dragon that I can. Because that has more to do with what's inside me than some prescribed plagiarisms of somebody else's tour de force.

You have a masterpiece inside you too, you know. One unlike any that has ever been created, or ever will be. And remember: If you go to your grave without painting your masterpiece, it will not get painted. No one else can paint it. Only you.

Please DON'T Pray for Me!

If someone says they’ll pray for you, that’s a good thing…right?

I don’t know about the rest of the world, but in the South, that seemingly innocuous phrase could mean you’re in trouble. The Bible tells Christians not to engage in idle chatter about other people, aka gossip. That’s a real bummer, because for some reason, discussing another person for no constructive reason is very enjoyable, especially if that person is involved in an embarrassing situation or has engaged in some sort of scandalous behavior. How to overcome this moral dilemma? Enter prayer.

Sometimes, when people say they’ll pray for you, what they really mean is that they’ll call their friends and have a gritty, trashy, down and dirty discussion about your situation. They will rehash every detail and speculate on the horrible things you must have done to bring such tragedy upon yourself. Though their true motive is to build themselves up by tearing you down, they will convince themselves that the only reason they’re talking about you is to figure out how to “pray” for you. During this prayer-research session, they’ll throw in a “Bless her Heart” every once in awhile, and might say something like “I just pray he’ll come to his senses” to try to make it legit. But rarely does an actual prayer take place.

I think that most Christians would agree that these kinds of prayer/gossip sessions are wrong, and choose not to initiate them. But if someone starts gossiping to us, it’s much easier just to go along to avoid confrontation and keep the peace. We think we’ll let the other person do most of the talking, and convince ourselves we can forget about what was said. Plus, if we ask someone to stop gossiping, we virtually guarantee we’ll be that person’s next hot topic. And who would want that?

Despite the risk, I think Christians should be willing to Just Say No when it comes to participating in denigrating talk, especially under the guise of prayer. Gossip does nothing but cause dissension within a body of believers, and it destroys credibility with the outside world. And to call it prayer cheapens the awesome gift of individual communication with God. Personally, I have never been physically beaten, but I have been absolutely crushed by cruel words from other so-called Christians.

I am sure that someone who has read this blog is now thinking about who they can call to “pray” for me. Well, I give you official permission to say anything nasty about me you want – just don’t call it prayer.

Christians Suck

If you had told me 3 months ago that I would be starting a public blog, I would never have believed you. Ah, but such is life.

I am a Christian. There – I said it, and it’s out in the open. Now, let me try to guess some of the adjectives that may have just popped into your head:

Pushy Bible Thumping
Judgmental
Hypocritical
Pedophile
Homophobic
Self righteous
Intolerant
Racist
Ignorant

I could go on, but it makes me sick – not because these are the concepts that frame the World’s view of Christianity, but because I completely understand why they do.

It seems that every time I turn on the news, I see some so-called “Christian” doing something abominable in the name of God, or espousing a “Christian” belief with which I don’t agree and can’t find Biblical evidence to support. These people do not represent me, and they certainly do not represent the God I have come to know, love, and worship.

But bring it closer to home and think about a typical church. The members are usually alike – similar socioeconomic status, similar family background, same political affiliation, and of course the same culture and color. Anyone different sticks out like a sore thumb, and if they don’t conform, they don’t last. Didn’t Christ come to save EVERYONE?

I am a very practically-minded person, not given to emotion. Fits of rage are not my style, and I don’t take it personally when someone disagrees with me. Mostly, when I see these kinds of things, I am simply saddened because I know that people judge Christ by the actions of “Christians,” and are increasingly deciding that the whole Jesus thing is not for them. And who can blame them.

Recently I read a blog written by an old friend with whom I had lost touch. She is an extremely intelligent, accomplished woman who just couldn’t seem to fit into the Christian culture. So she stopped trying, gave up on God, and is now an atheist. She seems to be happier for it.

The only difference between her and me is that when I was rejected by Christian society, (a story for another blog,) it pushed me to intensify my search for God, rather than abandon Him. As I continue to seek Him, I realize that Christianity is not quite as complex as most Christians make it out to be, and I become more and more convinced that Faith and Logic are not mutually exclusive.

You will never see people like me on TV talking about Christianity, because we’re not very exciting. For the most part, we are quietly minding our own business, doing our best to be good examples of Christ to those around us. We’re not extremists, we don’t hate anyone, and we are not living in the Middle Ages when it comes to science, politics, and global culture. So maybe it’s time that one of us spoke out…