My Dog Don't Know It's Christmas

This is my first Christmas as a dog owner, and apparently, I'm supposed to get him a Christmas present. Multiple friends have expressed surprise that not only did I neglect to hang a stocking for my dog, but I don't plan to wrap any gifts for him either. Call me a scrooge, but he's just a dog! His only thought when he looks at the Christmas Tree is that he wishes he could pee on it - I highly doubt he's looking for a present.

Anyway, I heard a song on XM radio that made me realize I'm not alone in my thinking. I couldn't find a recording to link to, but here are the words:


My Dog Don't Know It's Christmas
by Scott Katz

My dog don't know when it's Christmas
Despite the gift-wrapped chew toys 'round the tree.
You got the dog-star up above, poodle skirts and puppy love,
But there ain't no canine Christianity.

He knows not to piddle on the carpet,
And he knows when he must go to the vet.
He understands a Milkbone and he comprehends a snow-cone,
Yeah, but Jesus is a concept he don't get.

My dog don't know when it’s Christmas.
How could any creature be so naive?
But despite his passivity, re: the nativity
If the lord was a shepherd, he'd believe.

Despite his proclivity to dis the nativity,
If the lord was a shepherd, he'd believe.


So, to all my friends and readers who lavish presents upon your pets at Christmas, I love you dearly and I say if you enjoy it, go right ahead and stuff your personalized dog stockings to the brim! Just make sure your dog doesn't tell my dog - I don't want him to get wise!

Wonders Never Cease

Well, there's a good chance that Hell has frozen over, because my cake came out great! Here's a picture

I know the ability to bake a cake isn't all that big of a deal, but for some reason, I was darn proud of it. I guess it's just nice to conquer a personal challenge once in awhile!

A Disaster Waiting to Happen

Well, the Holiday Season is officially here. It seems like every year at this time, I get on a domestic kick. So alert the fire department – I’m cooking!

Now, anyone who knows me will tell you that I am seriously handicapped in the kitchen. I want to be a good cook, but I always seem to run out of patience or get distracted. I do dumb stuff like leaving the flour out of a cake or forgetting to take cover off the stove eye before I turn it on. If there’s a way to screw something up, I’ll find it.

Not surprisingly, no one ever asks me to bring anything significant for Thanksgiving. This year, I’m in charge of rolls and tea, which I was directed to pick up at Publix. However, I was also told to bring a dessert if I felt like it, and I’ve decided I do! I am making a pumpkin spice bundt cake with orange glaze. Impressive, right?

If you know me, you’re probably thinking there’s no way on God’s green earth I’m going to pull this off. And honestly, I’d have to agree. I mean come on – for me, making dessert usually involves dumping a bag of M&Ms into a nice bowl. And I’m pretty sure the fact that I didn’t even own a bundt pan until this morning is a seriously bad omen.

But regardless, I’m going to give it a try. Ben has agreed to help (double-check) me, so I’ve got that going in my favor. And hey – if it doesn’t work, I’ve still got the rolls, tea, and a bag of M&Ms.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wrinkles

I always planned to “grow old gracefully.” Let the gray hair and wrinkles come as they may – I’d take it all in stride with good humor, and embrace whatever face looked back at me in the mirror. Aging wouldn’t even be an issue.

Well, a few months ago I noticed the tiniest beginnings of lines around my mouth. That discovery immediately led to a more critical facial inspection, which revealed slight traces of lines around my eyes too. You have to understand, no one else would probably be able to detect even the smallest change - we’re talking miniscule lines here. But as I stood there looking in the mirror and puzzling over how this could have happened, I was suddenly hit with a stunning revelation:

“HOLY CRAP! I am going to get WRINKLES!!!!”

Thoughts of growing old gracefully went out the window. I just wanted to go out and buy the best miracle cream I could find and take a bath in it. How could this be happening to me? I guess my philosophy was really more like, “If I grow old, I’ll do it gracefully.” I hadn’t accepted that the “if” was actually a “when.”

It didn’t take me long to calm down and return to rationality. But I was still a little bummed about the whole wrinkles thing, until this weekend.

I was watching a re-run of Extreme Makeover, where “ugly” people get major plastic surgery to correct what they consider to be their physical flaws. During her initial consultation, this woman told the plastic surgeon that she was looking forward to “never having wrinkles again.” However he was quick to correct her, explaining that wrinkles come from showing facial expression, and that they would eventually come back unless she never smiled or laughed again. That started me thinking.

My life has been filled with happiness. Yes, there have been plenty of sad and difficult times, but I have spent considerably more time laughing than crying. There’s not a day that goes by in which I don’t have multiple reasons to smile, and I am grateful for it. And if wrinkles are the price I pay, then so be it.

So I will go right on living, loving, laughing and smiling, allowing all the joys of life to be written across my face. And I hope that when I die, I’ll have too many wrinkles to count and will have earned every one of them.

Honking for the Lord!

Someone forwarded me this "story":

The other day I went down to the religious book store, and there I saw a bumper sticker that said "HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS!" I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience I had! I was driving along, and stopped at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and well, I didn't notice that the light had changed.

Well, that bumper sticker really worked! I found there were lots and lots of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to pound on his horn and honk like crazy. He must REALLY love the Lord because pretty soon, he leaned out his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!" as loud as he could. It was like a football game, with him shouting and cheering, "GO, JESUS CHRIST, GO!" Everyone else started honking, too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all of those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my two kids what that meant. They kind of looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign. So, I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. Several cars back of me, a very nice man stepped out of his car and waved and yelled something. I couldn't hear him very well, but it sounded like, "Mother trucker," or "Mother's from there." Maybe he was from Florida, too. He must really love the Lord, cause he reached back into his car and honked his horn some more, too. A couple other people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed that the light had changed to yellow, so I stepped on the gas. And a good thing I did, because I was the only driver to get across the intersection. I looked back at them all standing there, and I leaned way out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Hilarious because it could be true - aren't you proud to be a Christian?!

Umm.. I know prayer is powerful, but...

A few weeks ago, a new couple joined our Home Group. We are always glad to welcome new people, but it’s a little nerve wracking too. We have been blessed with awesome couples so far who have meshed together wonderfully, but I am always looking out for the wack-jobs around the corner. For a brief moment, I thought I’d found them.

The evening had gone really well, and it seemed that the new couple was feeling right at home. I was about to mentally declare success, but then we started sharing prayer requests.

The new guy is looking at the floor with his hands clasped in front of him, and he solemnly says, “I just want my Mom back.”

Period. No further explanation, no eye contact. His comment hangs in utter silence, because we all think she is DEAD!!!!

My mind is racing – I don’t think he’s joking, but surely he doesn’t expect his mom to come back from the grave! I want to be a compassionate leader, but at the same time, I am thinking “Oh Lord – there’s a nut job in my living room! Help!”

We must have all had dumbfounded looks on our faces, because as soon as he looked up he quickly explained that his mom was stuck in the Los Angeles airport due to inclement weather, and she was having no luck getting a flight home.

Phew! The entire group busted out laughing as we explained our confusion and great relief. One girl said she had been just about to start explaining to him that his mom was “in a better place.” Pithy I know, but at least she had thought of something to say – I had no clue!

My husband and I were reminded again that adding new people, though it may be difficult, is the best way to keep a group fresh. And in case you’re wondering, his Mom did finally make it home.

They Said WHAT?

One of the special joys of being an HR Manager is that every employee who’s a little “off” ends up in your office at one point or another. Employees have told me some crazy things over the years, so I thought it might be fun to share some of my favorites:

“You don’t have children? What – you don’t like kids? Baby Hater! I knew there was evil in this place!” – said by a woman who quit on her first day. Apparently she felt she needed a better reason than that she just didn’t like the job.

“Satan is using you to ruin my life! You're a tool of the devil!” – said by a man I was terminating for goofing off instead of working.

“I need some time off because my mother was kidnapped by Colombian guerrillas.” Sure…

“You should stop trying so hard to help people. Nobody cares when you’re nice to them, and it doesn’t make a difference. You’re wasting your time.”

That one was said recently, and it has been weighing fairly heavily on my mind. Am I wasting my time? Because that guy was right – I try extremely hard to make things better for my employees, but they don’t really seem to care. If I do something fantastic for people, they remain silent. But if I have to do something they don’t like, you’d better believe I hear about it!

The guy who made the comment was actually trying to be kind. He felt sorry for me because I continue to carry what he sees as false hope. And I have to say that sometimes, I am very tempted to follow his advice. It would be so much easier to turn myself off, slip into complacency, and stop caring so I don’t keep getting disappointed. But I just can’t do it.

Colossians 3:23 says, “Work hard and cheerfully at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” As low as I get sometimes, I am always eventually reminded that I am really working for God, and His approval is all I should need.

I hope things at my job get better, but regardless, I will keep working doggedly and taking on more responsibility, even though I know there won’t be more compensation. I will continue to throw myself out there to be unappreciated and abused. I guess most people will think I’m nuts, but maybe someone will be curious enough to ask why I keep pounding away. And then maybe I’ll get to tell them about my Lord, who makes it all worthwhile.

Wild and Crazy Gal!

Recently I came across an article on eDiets.com that really grabbed my attention - “How Wild Women Stay Thin” by Dr. Matthew Anderson.

When I think “Wild Women,” I think of young Hollywood – Paris Hilton, Tara Reid, Lindsey Lohan, and the like. I always assumed they stayed thin through a strict regiment of binging and purging, made palatable through a steady stream of alcohol. But apparently, attitude is the key.

According to the article, “A life too focused on domestic duties and expectations can drain a woman of her instinctual wildness, passion, and creativity. Too many women control their wildness with comfort food, and thus create extra pounds instead of aliveness.”

I have instinctual wildness? Really? Because I’m pretty sure my natural instincts are to do the exact OPPOSITE of wild. I have no desire to drive too fast, drink too much, remove my clothing in public, or do anything else that would get me in the next Girls Gone Wild video. But if I can magically get to a size 2, I really want to find and release this wildness. Fortunately, Dr. Anderson provides some guidelines:

1. “Acknowledge and accept the fact that instinctual, healthy wildness is an essential part of your being.”

Okay – here goes: I’m wild, and it’s healthy!!! Whoopee!!!!

2. “Get a journal and begin to list and describe how your wildness could be expressed. This exercise will help you moderate the anxiety that may initially arise when you approach these energies in yourself. Remember, your wildness is not inherently dangerous, but you may experience some discomfort and you begin to get to know it.”

Discomfort is right – does this tip sound a little sketchy, or is it just me? Exactly what is “inner wildness” again?

3. Read some book about running with wolves.

I thought it was dancing…whatever.

4. “Start every day with the following question: How can I express my wildness today?”

I have to express it EVERY DAY? I’m not sure being wild is going to jive with being a young professional. Well, maybe I could wear brown shoes with black pants or sign an important document with a purple pen. Would that cut it?

Time to face the facts – wild is just not my style. I love my life and I have a lot of fun… in a calm, laid-back, unassuming kind of way. I guess I will have to stick to diet and exercise and leave the dancing on tables to Miss Lohan. Here’s to the Un-Wild Women!