Please DON'T Pray for Me!

If someone says they’ll pray for you, that’s a good thing…right?

I don’t know about the rest of the world, but in the South, that seemingly innocuous phrase could mean you’re in trouble. The Bible tells Christians not to engage in idle chatter about other people, aka gossip. That’s a real bummer, because for some reason, discussing another person for no constructive reason is very enjoyable, especially if that person is involved in an embarrassing situation or has engaged in some sort of scandalous behavior. How to overcome this moral dilemma? Enter prayer.

Sometimes, when people say they’ll pray for you, what they really mean is that they’ll call their friends and have a gritty, trashy, down and dirty discussion about your situation. They will rehash every detail and speculate on the horrible things you must have done to bring such tragedy upon yourself. Though their true motive is to build themselves up by tearing you down, they will convince themselves that the only reason they’re talking about you is to figure out how to “pray” for you. During this prayer-research session, they’ll throw in a “Bless her Heart” every once in awhile, and might say something like “I just pray he’ll come to his senses” to try to make it legit. But rarely does an actual prayer take place.

I think that most Christians would agree that these kinds of prayer/gossip sessions are wrong, and choose not to initiate them. But if someone starts gossiping to us, it’s much easier just to go along to avoid confrontation and keep the peace. We think we’ll let the other person do most of the talking, and convince ourselves we can forget about what was said. Plus, if we ask someone to stop gossiping, we virtually guarantee we’ll be that person’s next hot topic. And who would want that?

Despite the risk, I think Christians should be willing to Just Say No when it comes to participating in denigrating talk, especially under the guise of prayer. Gossip does nothing but cause dissension within a body of believers, and it destroys credibility with the outside world. And to call it prayer cheapens the awesome gift of individual communication with God. Personally, I have never been physically beaten, but I have been absolutely crushed by cruel words from other so-called Christians.

I am sure that someone who has read this blog is now thinking about who they can call to “pray” for me. Well, I give you official permission to say anything nasty about me you want – just don’t call it prayer.

Jesus Junk

Remember the New Kids on the Block? Back in the late 80’s/early 90’s, they stormed the teenybopper scene with bubble-gum classics such as “Hangin’ Tough” and the heartfelt ballad, “Please Don’t Go Girl.” They were a pre-fab music group with little talent and no substance, but they were brilliantly marketed to a willing teenage audience and became wildly successful. Pre-pubescent girls (and I guess some boys too) clamored for NKOTB merchandise and bought it off the shelves as fast as it was produced. Who cared if the t-shirt disintegrated after the first wash or if the Little Joe doll’s head popped off as soon as you got him out of the box? If it had to do with the New Kids, their “disciples” couldn’t wait to buy it.

Sometimes I feel like we don’t use any more sense when it comes to Christian merchandise. Just walk into your local Christian bookstore, and you can buy everything from icthus-shaped hair bows to breath mints wrapped in scripture-emblazoned paper. And of course there are the t-shirts with slogan gems such as “My Posse’s Ready for Spiritual Warfare” and “God’s Last Name is not Dammit.” But my favorite has got to be the penny with the cross shape stamped out of the middle…that costs $2. Who pays $2 for a penny? But no matter how poorly conceived, cheaply made, or just plain ridiculous a product is, the Christians to whom these products are marketed gladly buy them.

And it goes a lot deeper than merchandise. Did you record a crappy song? No major record label will touch it, but since it’s about Jesus we’ll let you make an album and play it on Christian radio. Can’t get your pathetic novel published? Turn the main character into a Christian and we’ll have it on bookstore shelves tomorrow. I think that sometimes when we see something that is “Christian” we feel we have to like it, even if it’s not very good. Somehow we subconsciously think that rejecting a Christ-related product means we’re rejecting Christ himself, and that certainly isn’t true.

I Corinthians 10:31 says, “…If you eat or drink, or if you do anything, do it all for the glory of God.” I wonder if we Christians shouldn’t start holding the people who produce merchandise and media aimed at us to this standard. How in the world can God be glorified by a t-shirt that says, “Don’t Believe in Hell? It’s Still There. You’re Still Going!”? There are some amazing Christian musicians, writers, and other artists who don’t get their due because they are so hard to find amidst the sea of crap in which they are swimming. There are many thoughtful and inspirational Christian products too that get lost among the “My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter” bumper stickers and the “Jesus Loves You” pot holders.

Although it would be easy to blame the producers of Christian merchandise for flooding the market with inferior products, it’s really not their fault. After all, they wouldn’t keep making crap if we weren’t standing in line to buy it.

DNA - The Language of God

As it turns out, the head of the Human Genome Project, Dr. Francis Collins, is a Christian! Go here to check out a commentary he wrote for CNN describing his journey to Christ and why he finds no conflict between Science and Religion. There are several comments following the piece that are interesting and thought provoking as well. Enjoy!

The Easter Bunny...Cute, or EVIL?

Well, let me start off by apologizing for my posting infrequency of late. Work has been crazy, and then we had family birthdays followed by the Easter holiday, which brings me to the subject of this blog:

My brother-in-law and his girlfriend decided to dye some Easter eggs this year, and while doing so, they got into a heated debate over a random but thought-provoking question: “Could Jesus have ever had an Easter Egg hunt?” Apparently it was a very spirited discussion, which was finally settled once they decided to ask the source of all knowledge…Google.

As it turns out, Easter is an ancient pagan holiday that got its start with one of Noah’s great-grandsons, Nimrod, and his wife, Semiramis. Nimrod became a highly influential political force and built some of the greatest cities of the era, including Babel. He rebelled against God and built a religion around himself.

When Nimrod died, Semiramis deified him as the Sun-god, and he later became known as “Baal,” worshiped prominently in the Old Testament. Sometime later when Semiramis gave birth to an illegitimate son, Tammuz, she claimed that he was supernaturally conceived and that he was the savior God had promised. Legend further claims that Tammuz was killed by a wild boar and went into the underworld, but his mother’s weeping resurrected him as the season of Spring. Does any of this sound familiar?

Over time, Semiramis became deified as the goddess of Spring and fertility. She was originally called “Ishtar,” which evolved into Eostre, Astarte, Ostera, Eastre, and finally…Easter!

Next, enter the Bunny and the eggs. The rabbit is a notoriously fertile creature, and was the symbol for the Mother Goddess. The egg was also a sacred symbol for the Babylonians, who believed a fable about a giant egg that fell from heaven and hatched Easter herself.

So if Easter is a pagan goddess and rabbits and eggs are her symbols, how did Easter become a Christian holiday? It seems that pagans were willing to give up their gods to become Christians, but not the festivities surrounding them. So to help assimilate mainstream culture, Christians simply turned the pagan fertility festivals into celebrations of the resurrection of Christ – thus, Easter as we know it was born!

Back to the original question – could Jesus have hunted Easter Eggs? I’d say he could have, but there’s no way he actually did. He would have emphatically rejected anything related to false gods or idol worship, so egg hunting would definitely have been out.

So did the Easter Bunny hop straight out of Hell? Should we head down to the PAAS egg dye factory and hold an exorcism? Nah. Easter is just another example of how society is constantly changing around us without our even noticing – yesterday’s pagan sacrament is today’s good clean family fun.

Waiting for the World to Change?

I generally like John Mayer, but his song “Waiting for the World to Change” gets under my skin. I like the music and the general vibe of the song, but the lyrics kind of bother me.

The gist of the song seems to be that because his generation (which is also my generation) has very little chance of making a change in society, we should sit back and wait until the Baby Boomers die off and our generation “rules the population.” This smacks of apathy to me, which I can’t stand.

However, I am a big believer in focusing your efforts where they have the greatest chance of making a positive change, which kind of leaves me in the middle of the road where politics are concerned. I have definite opinions on the hot issues, but I don’t get particularly passionate about any of them because it seems like wasted energy. And I don’t get into any of the news shows, because I am fully aware that at the end of the day, it’s more about ratings than “fair and balanced” journalism. I don’t get irritated about it though - I’m content to take what I see with a grain of salt and move on.

I have a friend who is always writing to her congressman, or state representative, or mayor, or WHOEVER has influence over an issue she cares about. I think it’s really cool that she gets involved, and I wish I was motivated to do the same. But because I feel that there’s little chance that my letter would make a difference, I don’t bother. At the end of the day, I am perfectly happy to exercise my right to vote every chance I get, and leave it at that.

I guess the song bothers me because I don’t want to admit that it offers a more accurate description of me than I would like. Sometimes I fancy myself to be more worldly than I actually am where politics are concerned, and I don’t want to be reminded that when it comes right down to it, I really don’t care as much as I’d like to think. I find myself putting a lot of time and energy into the people around me, and putting my concern for the world at large on the backburner.

I guess it all comes back to moderation. You can’t spend all your free time doing protest marches, but you can’t refuse to care either. Thanks to John Mayer for helping me sort all this out.

DINKs Unite!

I have a little secret to tell you...

I don’t really like kids. At all. Babies make me extremely uncomfortable, and the idea of breast feeding repulses me. I don’t enjoy being around older children either, (except for a few notable exceptions,) and I wish restaurants had “no children” sections so I could eat in peace while rambunctious kids enjoyed themselves in a different area. I am just not one of those women who is overflowing with natural love for children.

It’s generally not a good idea to disclose this point of view if you are trying to fit into the traditional Southern church culture. When my husband and I got married and joined our first church together, I made the naïve mistake of telling a group of women that I didn’t like babies. I think I would have gotten a better reaction if I had told them I was the spawn of Satan! There wasn’t much of a verbal response, but their eyes and facial expressions told me there was a special place in Hell with my name on it.

I’m ashamed to say that I really let those women get to me, and for awhile I chose to skirt the issue rather than be myself. Once when a lady asked me when I was going to have children, I simply said “I can’t.” And as I knew she would, she assumed it was because of a physical limitation, and I just let her believe it. Bad of me, I know. But it wasn’t a total lie because I really can’t have kids – as long as I keep taking my special little pill.

At this point in life, I am way past hiding who I am to fit in with ANYONE, especially the church lady crowd. I know that God made me the way I am for a reason, and that children are not in His will for me right now. Someday He may zap me with a maternal instinct and tell me to have 6 kids, and that’s okay. And if He never allows me to have a child at all, I think I will be a little sad, but that will be okay too.

My husband and I have since become part of a much more progressive, though still primarily family-focused, Community church. We have even started a Home Group, (our church’s alternative to Sunday School,) for young couples without children. We’ve been dubbed the DINKs, (Double Income No Kids), and God has blessed us tremendously through the group. That’s not to say we’ve received unconditional acceptance, because the idea of excluding children from a church activity is still somewhat controversial, no matter how open-minded the church. But I know there are at least 5 couples grateful to have a place to belong.

I believe it’s right for churches to put the majority of their efforts into reaching families with children, but I wonder if we’re doing ourselves a disservice by forgetting about people in the no-man’s-land between marriage and parenthood. According to an NBC news report that aired this week, 70% of married couples now wait more than 3 years to have children. So that means for the most critical early years of a marriage, the church overlooks 70% of couples at a time when they need guidance the most. Could that have something to do with the 50% divorce rate?...

Borat Gets Saved

I finally broke down and rented Borat. Not my first choice of movie, but it’s become such an influence in pop culture, I figured it was time to understand what everyone is talking about. Anyway, the movie was almost exactly what I expected – over the top, somewhat disturbing, but overall quite funny. I say “almost” though, because I certainly wasn’t expecting it to be thought provoking…

The turning point in the movie comes when Borat hits rock-bottom, forced to sleep on the street and burn his beloved Baywatch magazine for warmth. But lucky for Borat, he wanders into a Pentecostal church and gets a whole new taste of America.

The Pentecostals are having a Sunday worship service, and it is quite a scene! People are running up and down the aisles, jumping, screaming, jabbering incoherently (otherwise known as speaking in tongues,) and one guy is doing some jiggly dancing that is sort of a cross between the MC Hammer and a seizure. The scene culminates with Borat at the front of the church, claiming his belief in the Holy Spirit. A leader, who I assume is the pastor, declares Borat healed and whacks him in the head with the heel of his hand, causing Borat to faint and fall to the ground. Fortunately, some well trained “catchers” are there to ease his landing.

I am watching this thinking, “Crazy Pentecostals – no wonder people think Christians are deranged. What the crap are you doing?” But then I realize – I am falling into the very trap I hate the most; I am judging a group of Christians solely by what I have seen in the media. I have never been to a Pentecostal church, and I have no idea WHY they do what they do. So time for a little research.

There are plenty of passages in the Bible that encourage believers to worship in a physical way, especially in Psalms. You can do your own reading, but shouting to the Lord and dancing for joy are common directives. In I Timothy 2:8, the Apostle Paul even directs us to “lift up holy hands in prayer.” Score one for the Pentecostals.

But what doesn’t seem to be clear is the EXTENT to which you are supposed to do these things. I have sung praise songs and raised my hands to the Lord, but I can promise you, I have NEVER done them quite as exuberantly as Borat’s buddies. Am I too uptight, or are Pentecostals suffering from too much of a good thing?

On to speaking in tongues. According to http://www.truthortradition.com/, “To speak in tongues is to fluently speak a language of either men or angels, a language that does not come from your mind, but by way of God’s spirit within you.” Sound wacky and bogus? Maybe not.

Speaking in tongues is considered a Spiritual Gift, and was prevalent in the early Church. Paul devotes I Corinthians 14 to the practice, even claiming to do it more than any of the other church members at that time (v. 18). In verse 39, he goes so far as to instruct the Church NOT to forbid speaking in tongues, which implies that they must have been thinking about banning it. Was Paul the first Pentecostal?

I don’t think so. If you read on, Paul says, “But in the church I would rather speak five intelligible words to instruct others than ten thousand words in a tongue (v. 19).” As the chapter progresses, he advocates a common sense approach to worship services, giving specific instruction for keeping things organized and cohesive. In verse 40, Paul sums up the whole chapter, “But everything must be done in a fitting and orderly way.”

I just don’t see how running up and down aisles and doing the Seizure Hammer dance in front of the whole church can be described as orderly. The idea of fainting after being “healed” (known as being “slain in the Spirit”) only became popular in the 19th century, and has no strong basis in Scripture that I can see. And some Pentecostal groups believe that if you can’t or don’t speak in tongues, you have not really received the Holy Spirit, the presence of God which dwells within a true Christian. Paul’s teachings don’t support that, and I don’t buy it.

Personally, I am often moved by the Holy Spirit. It generally happens when I am awed by something in nature, or when I am singing praise songs. The feeling is hard to explain, but I would best describe it as an overwhelming joy, followed by a great sense of peace. The God I know doesn’t need me to SAY anything – He understands what’s in my heart.

So am I going to become Pentecostal anytime soon? No way. Do I think Pentecostal practices are wrong? Absolutely NOT. I’m just not sure it’s the BEST way to influence others.

I would say to today’s Pentecostals what Paul said to the early church a long time ago: “Suppose everyone in your worship service started speaking unknown languages, and some outsiders or some unbelievers come in. Won’t they think you are crazy? (v. 23)” Yep. And some believers will too.